Honey Bee - Chapter 8

[bakemonoremy]

Location: Resting Area

- The day of the showdown -

Rinne: So, Kohaku-chan. Did you find a nice, proper job?

Kohaku: Ehem. Clean your eyes and have a good look, y’all! This is it!

HiMERU: --This is… A collaboration with a honey maker?

Niki: Honey! Nice! I love honey-lemon jelly, tea with honey and honey-mustard chicken. And it tastes great in a ginger-fried pork dish or even a curry.

Also, it’s already plenty delicious by itself on warm toast. It’s the best ☆

Rinne: Hmmm. A music collaboration in a commercial, huh… That honey maker’s not super famous, so the pay isn’t much to rave about… So, why’d you choose this one?

Kohaku: Well, it’s not like we’re famous either yet. It’s a standard practice to promote new songs through collaborations in commercials.

And the goods they sell in this collab are honey -- Which is related to our unit name, so folks will be able to remember the name Crazy:B easily.

HiMERU: --Indeed. HiMERU thinks that this reasoning holds up well.

Kohaku: And then there’s this. Did y’all know? There’s been a bit of a honey boom among female influencers lately.

It’s an overlappin’ clientele with our target group.

Niki: Aah, now that you say it, they do say honey has some beautifying properties. As an ingredient, it’s popular among women~.

Rinne: Hmm ♪ This is better than the last one, but I’m not completely sold on it.

Kohaku: That was my first impression of this job, too. But actually, there’s this certain actor who’s gonna be havin’ an appearance in this commercial as well.

Niki: Hmm? Never heard of them. Are they a big name or something?

HiMERU: -- If HiMERU’s memory serves right, they’re a newcomer. But that means they don’t have the influence to bring in a lot of popularity…

Kohaku: Well, y’see. There are certain rumors on the internet that this actor is gonna be starrin’ in a super highly-anticipated movie that’s gonna be announced next month.

If that’s true, then they’ll definitely rise to popularity real soon!

Which means that as an inevitable result, our commercial is goin’ to garner some attention as well, right? So I looked into it to see if those rumors were the real thing.

-- And from what I found out, the rumor seems mighty credible.

HiMERU: --That makes sense. This way of choosing a job couldn’t have been done by anyone but Oukawa. HiMERU and the others aren’t that well-versed in online spheres, after all.

Rinne: Hey, not half bad! I like it ♪

Kohaku: How d’you like them apples! Your turn, Rinne-han. I’ll take it you brought a mighty good one?

Rinne: After hearin’ that, I can’t let you down! Everyone, pay close attention!

This is what I’ve got! Tadah~☆

Kohaku: Did my eyesight get worse or somethin’? ‘Cause it looks to me like Rinne-han isn’t showin’ us anythin’.

HiMERU: --Your eyesight is fine, Oukawa. HiMERU doesn’t see anything, either.

Niki: Sheesh~! Rinne-kun. I told you they’d be pissed if you showed up empty-handed~!

Kohaku: Hey… What’s the meanin’ of this? Dependin’ on your answer, you might have me to reckon with, got it?

Rinne: Now, now. No need to live fast ‘n die young! Hear me out to the end. Once you see where this is goin’, you’ll definitely acknowledge that Kohaku-chan’s lost this match!

Kohaku: Spare us the pontifications and explain yourself already.

Rinne: Did you know? Among bees, there are hard-workin’ bees, bees that work a normal amount, and bees that slack off and basically do no work whatsoever. The distribution of these is 2:6:2.

But when you remove the bees that don’t do any work at all and once again divide the rest into hard workers, those who work a normal amount, and slackers, the distribution is still 2:6:2!

HiMERU: -- There may be some slight alterations to it, but this sounds like the “Pareto principle*”.

Kohaku: ...I think I know what the punchline’s gonna be here, but I’ll let you finish just in case. --Go on?

Rinne: So basically, what I’m sayin’ is: In proportion to how much I didn’t do jack shit, the effort Kohaku-chan put into findin’ a good job increased! It’s all thanks to me ☆

Which means there’s no doubt that the winner of this match is Rinne-kun!

Kohaku: Quit screwin’ arouuuund! You utter nincompoop! As-friggin’-if!

HiMERU: --Sigh. So Shiina’s prediction was spot on…

Niki: I know, right~? It was a “crapshoot”, just like I said, wasn’t it~?

HiMERU: On another note, Amagi. If HiMERU’s memory serves right, this story you told us is actually about ants, not bees.

Rinne: Huh, for realsies? Well, ants and bees are pretty similar, so don’t sweat the details!

Put a pair of wings on an ant, and what do you get? A bee. And anyhow, they’re both insects ♪

Kohaku: These aren’t details we’re sweatin’! I’ll teach you to mess around and spout bogus like that! Not a single inch of this was thanks to the likes of you, got it!?

This job is somethin’ I got “all by myself”!

HiMERU: (! My, isn’t that something…)

(Guess you got a better result than anticipated, Amagi.)

--Now then, HiMERU would say this match is settled.

HiMERU thinks that Oukawa is the unanimous winner of this contest.

Niki: Agreed~! I also vote for Kohaku-chan.

Rinne: Hey, what gives. Don’t betray me, Niki! Aren’tcha on my team!?

Kohaku: Ko ko ko ♪ No one here’s on your side. Game, set and match, Rinne-han. Now what am I gonna make you do for the penalty game~♪

Rinne: Guh, you’re all gangin’ up on me, how cruel! This is the first step to how bullyin’ starts, y’know? Rinne-kun says NO to bullyin’!

Kohaku: Fufun ♪ Serves ya right!

Niki: Aw ma~n. I knew this was gonna happen, but here comes the penalty game. I’m gonna get so hungry…

HiMERU: --Fufu.

--What a truly eloquent and cunning man. In the end, Oukawa-- No, all of us, won the game, but lost the match against him.

Niki: Hmm? Are you talking about Rinne-kun?

HiMERU: --Who knows?

Niki: ………..

Location: Practice Room

- The following day -



Rinne: How come I have to do this fuckin’ clean-up job... I’m such a poor thing.

Makin’ the penalty game “cleaning up”, Kohaku-chan must be the personification of evil². Doesn’t anyone feel bad for poor little Rinne-kun…!

Niki: You’ve had it coming, Rinne-kun. I’m the one you should be feeling bad for~, I got completely dragged into all this--

Wh-, ugyAH!?

What’re you swinging that mop around for!? Uwah, that was close!?

Rinne: I suddenly got pissed off ‘cause I remembered how you betrayed me, Niki ♪ Have a taste of how well I handle my stick³!

Niki: You can really do just about anything, huh!? Gimme a break, don’t take your irrational anger out on me!

...Ah. That reminds me, there was something I meant to ask you, Rinne-kun.

Rinne: Ahn? What’s up?

Niki: Could it be that you only instigated all of this as an act, to help Kohaku-chan build some self-confidence?

Rinne: ...I’ve got no clue what you’re talkin’ about. I just like a good gamble, that’s all ♪

Ah, sayin’ that made me wanna go play some pachinko! Come on Niki, let’s get this done and over with and hit up the parlor!

And of course, Niki’s gonna sponsor me! I said so, which means it’s decided! So let’s finish this clean-up at mach-speed and bounce ☆

Niki: I see. So that’s how it is…

Aw ma~n. It’s like Rinne-kun always gets the last laugh, how unfair…

Rinne: Niki, you little shit! Quit mutterin’ under your breath and get those hands movin’! All the good machines are gonna get taken if we don’t get a wiggle on!

Kyahahaha ☆ I feel like today’s gonna be my lucky day!

---------------------------

* Pareto principle

² He uses the same 鬼 here that Kohaku used earlier in his “there’s good people everywhere” line. An ongoing theme?

³ Innuendo aside, he’s doing Bōjutsu